Five Keys to Having a Nice Conflict

Without a doubt, conflict is costly on a personal and organizational level. Poorly managed conflict can steal our time, money, health, and happiness. However, we can learn to have a nice conflict?the type of conflict that consistently leads to greater productivity, stronger relationships, and a leaves everyone involved feeling good about themselves. The five keys to having a nice conflict are presented in Have a Nice Conflict: A Story of Finding Success and Satisfaction in the Most Unlikely Places. Below is a brief summary of each key to having a nice conflict:


Anticipating conflict starts with knowing who you?re dealing with and then asking yourself how various people might view the same situation differently. When two or more people see things differently, there is the potential for conflict. If you can figure that out, you have a good shot at steering clear of it.


Preventing conflict is really all about the deliberate, appropriate use of behavior in your relationships. A well-chosen behavior on your part can prevent conflict with another person. But you need to prevent conflict in yourself sometimes too, and that might have more to do with choosing your perceptions than choosing your behaviors. Asking sincere and appropriate questions with the intent of preventing or managing conflict is almost never a bad idea.


There are three basic approaches in conflict: rising to the challenge (assert), cautiously withdrawing (analyze), or wanting to keep the peace (accommodate). When you can identify these approaches in yourself or others, you are empowered to handle conflict situations more productively.


Managing conflict has two components: managing yourself and managing the relationship. Managing conflict is about creating the conditions and empowering others to manage themselves out of the emotional state of conflict. It?s also about managing yourself out. Managing yourself in conflict can be as easy as taking some time to see things differently.


To create movement toward resolution, we need to show the other person a path back to feeling good about themselves. When they feel good about themselves, they are less likely to feel threatened and are free to move toward a compromise and resolution.


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